Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am also a child of immigrants who had a similar experience growing up. I remember feeling outcast because I was wearing a $10 Betty Boop t-shirt from a store called Dots (everything $10 and under) while the other girls rocked their stylish outfits from the Limited. But like you, I also didn’t understand we were poor until one day I asked my parents if we were rich and they had a great laugh and explained to me that we weren’t rich but we had what we needed. Looking back I am so grateful to have had that experience. I don’t feel like I need to chase the next best thing and feel fully settled and comfortable in my own skin, dressing for myself.
Isabel, thank you so much for reading and for sharing your experience.💕 I wanted to write this essay partly because I remembered others feeling ashamed that they shopped at off-price/discount shops. I think it's important to voice and celebrate these spaces and experiences.
Even after I realized that I had less than some of my more affluent classmates, I didn't feel less than. Like you, I'm grateful that my parents created a life where I had what I needed. And I wholeheartedly agree; I don't think I could be who I am today without all those formative experiences. Feeling settled and comfortable in your own skin + dressing for yourself is the best feeling!
Relate to all of this so profoundly, from the discount prom dress (skirt c/o Burlington and corset c/o Hot Topic) to the work study gig and Century 21 in college (while surrounded by trust fund kids) to the wedding gown. In my case, I couldn’t stomach the price of a new dress so I went to a since-closed shop in NYC called the Bridal Garden that sold donated samples and gave the profits to charity. I haven’t lost the thrill of the hunt, and years ago when I first followed your blog I even scored a half-off Rick Owens leather jacket of Ssense, still a heart-stopping amount for me at the time put the PPW has definitely been worth it! It’s easy to forget where I came from sometimes, thanks for this reminder.
Oooh the Bridal Garden sounded like it was such a wonderful shop! So sad it's closed, what a great concept and great cause in a bridal industry that honestly often defies good sense and is defined by excess.
Your prom dress combo sounds amazing, I mean, a corset (!!) 👌🏻 And I also scored my RO leather jacket on a discount! I think it's still the most $$$$ thing in my closet, but for the love and wear I've gotten out of it, like you say, totally worth it.
There is such a strong cultural narrative in America that prizes self reinvention and transcending (one's past/social class/origin story) ... I think it's really important to remember and hold on to those elements of ourselves.
I'm so glad to have you as a longtime reader, thank you for reading, and sharing your experiences! 💕
This is SO good! I remember wanting a pair of True Religion jeans and finding sketchy knock offs on eBay. My parents trusted me to use their card number (looking back= wow) and let me buy them. The reality is that I’ve always looked for less expensive options of designer pieces that I want. I don’t buy knock offs anymore but I also rarely pay full price!
Thanks Kelly, I always appreciate your reading and comments here! Btw a credit card + eBay gives you pretty good buyer protection though 😋 When I was younger and didn't know any better I accidentally purchased my fair share of knockoffs, but I now draw the line at blatant dupes/counterfeits. I'm with you on rarely paying full retail. It just feels so much more satisfying all around.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I love all of your thoughtful posts, but this piece really resonated with me as a child of immigrants. My feelings about shopping and style are so deep-rooted in my experiences growing up w a mom who was aspirational and resourceful. The act of shopping is much deeper than just retail therapy and material comforts - it was how I got to spend time with my busy mom, whether it be getting groceries or finding a bargain for a school dance. Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts, VJ. I completely agree with you on the emotional meanings and personal histories behind something as seemingly 'surface' as shopping. Being creative and resourceful with limited resources is one of the most invaluable things my mom taught me. And clearly I inherited my love of fashion and clothes from her!
My parents were not immigrants (unless you count moving from Wisconsin to the New Jersey suburbs) but they were children of immigrants themselves, and this post resonated to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. I, too, spent many hours of my formative years at consignment stores and TJ Maxx. I could only wear designer clothing if I found it secondhand, and nothing too obviously branded (my mother always said “why would I pay to be a walking billboard?”). My coup was finding a pink Miami Vice shirt at the thrift store, which I thought was SO COOL. My mother also sewed and made many of my dresses when I was growing up (including for all my graduations), so she knew the cost of materials and what good craftsmanship looked like. When I told her what I was thinking of spending on my wedding dress, she was horrified (even though I, too, could afford it at that point, too). She encouraged me to keep looking and I eventually found a deeply discounted white satin dress at Bloomingdale’s that worked fabulously (I had a custom beaded shrug made by my beloved tailor). Thank you for sharing your lovely words in this piece. My mother passed away a few years ago, and this essay made me appreciate anew all she did to help instill the idea of “good value” in me.
Abby, I am so intrigued by this pink Miami Vice shirt! Do you still have it? My mom also sewed and knit and made a lot of my childhood clothes, not just out of economic necessity but because she has always been an artist and a creative person. I still have a few of these childhood pieces; they are very precious to me. PS I think moving from the midwest to the east coast can certainly count as a kind of tiny immigration, just in terms of the regional culture shift 😉
It means a lot to me that this resonated with you, and as always, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Oh how I wish I still had the Miami Vice shirt! And the ID# shirt I found once, too (remember those?)! Alas, both of these were casualties of purges over the years. My mother was also a resourceful and creative person (and knit as well!), and while I don't have any of the pieces she made for me, I did keep a few pieces she made for herself over the years (a striped sweater she knit in college while standing in line to register for classes and a reversible puffer vest she sewed) and I, too, treasure them.
Great piece 💛 I have a similar shopping origin story also ft. a shopping savvy mom. (My favorite shopping tip from my mom is to...just try it on! Even if it doesn't work, now you'll know :P) In addition to TJ Maxx/Marshalls, Kohl’s was also really really key for me. So much style exploration and discovery in their 70% off racks. I feel like they were also very early in the “designer collaborations” game with Vera Wang, Lauren Conrad, etc. So that was exciting at the time.
The designer/big box collaboration collection was a cultural moment! And yes, there were many try-ons in the fluorescently-lit dressing rooms of the outlets.
Absolutely LOVE this post and, as you know, I also love the thrill of the hunt. There's something so satisfying when you spend the time and sift through so much to discover the perfect piece: and even more so when it's a great price. And while many people write posts like these, yours is so great BECAUSE of the personal connections you bring into your writing: I love the ethnographic history behind your stories, and this is one of your best posts!
This is very sweet, Sarah, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this! It sat in my drafts for a while because, well, I suppose it's a very personal piece. But I'm glad that I can share my love of the sale hunt and all the invaluable life and style lessons from my mom in this space 😊
I loved this reading this and it really made me miss my mum! Bonding with my mum over clothes and shopping is a thing I highly relate to... often it wasn't the actual shopping that mattered, just the process of spending time together and she would just point out details that she liked -- nice construction and finishings, fabric. I remember when my sister got married, she found her dress a little bit lacking, and my mum went out and bought a bunch of little feathers and we all hand sewed it onto the dress to give it movement and texture - mum to the rescue, just like your mum found your prom dress. I love how discerning my mum was and it gave me a lot of confidence in my taste even when we couldn't afford to buy nice things.
I gotta say, I'm very grateful that everyone wears a school uniform in Singapore...I can't imagine having that pressure to look good and have trendy clothes at such a vulnerable age.
What a clever and lovely idea to DIY embellish your sister's wedding dress with feathers! I hope your sister still has the dress. I was amazed how so many vivid memories revived themselves when I tried on my old prom dress. So many expressions of love in our mothers' resourcefulness and thoughtful discernment.
All I can say is getting through middle school in America is a wild ride! And if you went to a pressure-cooker public school like I did, fashion was just one of the competitive languages ... really a microcosm of the adult world. 😋
It made my heart smile to see you still had the dress. Millennial here too and I remember the white girl high school outfits.
Longest running piece in my wardrobe is a Polo Ralph Lauren denim jacket, still in excellent condition. That I've had since middle school so over 20 years.
Lol there was definitely a popular kids *uniform* at my middle and high school. Teenage tribal fashion codes!
I have a very small 'archive' section in my closet and my prom dress is one of the few pieces that made the cut! Amazing that you have your RL jacket from middle school. 💕 Do you still wear it?
I loved this post. You write beautifully about your childhood, I felt transported there. Your mom has great taste, your prom dress is totally classy and would still look great today! It was lovely to learn about how these experiences shaped your fashion world view.
Thank you so much for reading, Joyce. It means the world to me that something in this piece resonated with you.
I was pleasantly bemused that my old prom dress is somehow trend and runway adjacent, given all the statement red gowns on the runways the last few seasons! My mom picked out this dress without me, and she not only got the style just right, but the fit as well 👌🏻
Aha! I shop exactly as you describe, because I grew up in an isolated area with few shopping options (pre-internet), and I had to lead with a vision of a silhouette to approximate, instead of a list of brands. It helped me understand exactly what I liked and why. Taste develops best under pressure, I think. Thanks for sharing your story!
I didn't grow up in Boston, but the one saving grace of American suburbia is that there are many, many excellent retail outlets to cut one's fashion teeth on. Which ones do you recommend? I'll definitely have to check them out next time I'm in town!
Castanet is my favorite consignment shop! Covet is also good. The Garment District is classic low-cost not-quite-thrift (they used to/may still do dollar-a-pound).
"Taste develops best under pressure" - Yes! It's always more interesting to work under some kind of constraints. The source of much creativity! And shopping and envisioning fashion needs and wants pre-internet is the OG skill, IMO!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am also a child of immigrants who had a similar experience growing up. I remember feeling outcast because I was wearing a $10 Betty Boop t-shirt from a store called Dots (everything $10 and under) while the other girls rocked their stylish outfits from the Limited. But like you, I also didn’t understand we were poor until one day I asked my parents if we were rich and they had a great laugh and explained to me that we weren’t rich but we had what we needed. Looking back I am so grateful to have had that experience. I don’t feel like I need to chase the next best thing and feel fully settled and comfortable in my own skin, dressing for myself.
Isabel, thank you so much for reading and for sharing your experience.💕 I wanted to write this essay partly because I remembered others feeling ashamed that they shopped at off-price/discount shops. I think it's important to voice and celebrate these spaces and experiences.
Even after I realized that I had less than some of my more affluent classmates, I didn't feel less than. Like you, I'm grateful that my parents created a life where I had what I needed. And I wholeheartedly agree; I don't think I could be who I am today without all those formative experiences. Feeling settled and comfortable in your own skin + dressing for yourself is the best feeling!
Dots!!!! Yes! I remember
Relate to all of this so profoundly, from the discount prom dress (skirt c/o Burlington and corset c/o Hot Topic) to the work study gig and Century 21 in college (while surrounded by trust fund kids) to the wedding gown. In my case, I couldn’t stomach the price of a new dress so I went to a since-closed shop in NYC called the Bridal Garden that sold donated samples and gave the profits to charity. I haven’t lost the thrill of the hunt, and years ago when I first followed your blog I even scored a half-off Rick Owens leather jacket of Ssense, still a heart-stopping amount for me at the time put the PPW has definitely been worth it! It’s easy to forget where I came from sometimes, thanks for this reminder.
Oooh the Bridal Garden sounded like it was such a wonderful shop! So sad it's closed, what a great concept and great cause in a bridal industry that honestly often defies good sense and is defined by excess.
Your prom dress combo sounds amazing, I mean, a corset (!!) 👌🏻 And I also scored my RO leather jacket on a discount! I think it's still the most $$$$ thing in my closet, but for the love and wear I've gotten out of it, like you say, totally worth it.
There is such a strong cultural narrative in America that prizes self reinvention and transcending (one's past/social class/origin story) ... I think it's really important to remember and hold on to those elements of ourselves.
I'm so glad to have you as a longtime reader, thank you for reading, and sharing your experiences! 💕
This is SO good! I remember wanting a pair of True Religion jeans and finding sketchy knock offs on eBay. My parents trusted me to use their card number (looking back= wow) and let me buy them. The reality is that I’ve always looked for less expensive options of designer pieces that I want. I don’t buy knock offs anymore but I also rarely pay full price!
Thanks Kelly, I always appreciate your reading and comments here! Btw a credit card + eBay gives you pretty good buyer protection though 😋 When I was younger and didn't know any better I accidentally purchased my fair share of knockoffs, but I now draw the line at blatant dupes/counterfeits. I'm with you on rarely paying full retail. It just feels so much more satisfying all around.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I love all of your thoughtful posts, but this piece really resonated with me as a child of immigrants. My feelings about shopping and style are so deep-rooted in my experiences growing up w a mom who was aspirational and resourceful. The act of shopping is much deeper than just retail therapy and material comforts - it was how I got to spend time with my busy mom, whether it be getting groceries or finding a bargain for a school dance. Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts, VJ. I completely agree with you on the emotional meanings and personal histories behind something as seemingly 'surface' as shopping. Being creative and resourceful with limited resources is one of the most invaluable things my mom taught me. And clearly I inherited my love of fashion and clothes from her!
My parents were not immigrants (unless you count moving from Wisconsin to the New Jersey suburbs) but they were children of immigrants themselves, and this post resonated to the point of bringing tears to my eyes. I, too, spent many hours of my formative years at consignment stores and TJ Maxx. I could only wear designer clothing if I found it secondhand, and nothing too obviously branded (my mother always said “why would I pay to be a walking billboard?”). My coup was finding a pink Miami Vice shirt at the thrift store, which I thought was SO COOL. My mother also sewed and made many of my dresses when I was growing up (including for all my graduations), so she knew the cost of materials and what good craftsmanship looked like. When I told her what I was thinking of spending on my wedding dress, she was horrified (even though I, too, could afford it at that point, too). She encouraged me to keep looking and I eventually found a deeply discounted white satin dress at Bloomingdale’s that worked fabulously (I had a custom beaded shrug made by my beloved tailor). Thank you for sharing your lovely words in this piece. My mother passed away a few years ago, and this essay made me appreciate anew all she did to help instill the idea of “good value” in me.
Abby, I am so intrigued by this pink Miami Vice shirt! Do you still have it? My mom also sewed and knit and made a lot of my childhood clothes, not just out of economic necessity but because she has always been an artist and a creative person. I still have a few of these childhood pieces; they are very precious to me. PS I think moving from the midwest to the east coast can certainly count as a kind of tiny immigration, just in terms of the regional culture shift 😉
It means a lot to me that this resonated with you, and as always, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Oh how I wish I still had the Miami Vice shirt! And the ID# shirt I found once, too (remember those?)! Alas, both of these were casualties of purges over the years. My mother was also a resourceful and creative person (and knit as well!), and while I don't have any of the pieces she made for me, I did keep a few pieces she made for herself over the years (a striped sweater she knit in college while standing in line to register for classes and a reversible puffer vest she sewed) and I, too, treasure them.
Great piece 💛 I have a similar shopping origin story also ft. a shopping savvy mom. (My favorite shopping tip from my mom is to...just try it on! Even if it doesn't work, now you'll know :P) In addition to TJ Maxx/Marshalls, Kohl’s was also really really key for me. So much style exploration and discovery in their 70% off racks. I feel like they were also very early in the “designer collaborations” game with Vera Wang, Lauren Conrad, etc. So that was exciting at the time.
The designer/big box collaboration collection was a cultural moment! And yes, there were many try-ons in the fluorescently-lit dressing rooms of the outlets.
Absolutely LOVE this post and, as you know, I also love the thrill of the hunt. There's something so satisfying when you spend the time and sift through so much to discover the perfect piece: and even more so when it's a great price. And while many people write posts like these, yours is so great BECAUSE of the personal connections you bring into your writing: I love the ethnographic history behind your stories, and this is one of your best posts!
This is very sweet, Sarah, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this! It sat in my drafts for a while because, well, I suppose it's a very personal piece. But I'm glad that I can share my love of the sale hunt and all the invaluable life and style lessons from my mom in this space 😊
This is a beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading ♥️
I loved this reading this and it really made me miss my mum! Bonding with my mum over clothes and shopping is a thing I highly relate to... often it wasn't the actual shopping that mattered, just the process of spending time together and she would just point out details that she liked -- nice construction and finishings, fabric. I remember when my sister got married, she found her dress a little bit lacking, and my mum went out and bought a bunch of little feathers and we all hand sewed it onto the dress to give it movement and texture - mum to the rescue, just like your mum found your prom dress. I love how discerning my mum was and it gave me a lot of confidence in my taste even when we couldn't afford to buy nice things.
I gotta say, I'm very grateful that everyone wears a school uniform in Singapore...I can't imagine having that pressure to look good and have trendy clothes at such a vulnerable age.
What a clever and lovely idea to DIY embellish your sister's wedding dress with feathers! I hope your sister still has the dress. I was amazed how so many vivid memories revived themselves when I tried on my old prom dress. So many expressions of love in our mothers' resourcefulness and thoughtful discernment.
All I can say is getting through middle school in America is a wild ride! And if you went to a pressure-cooker public school like I did, fashion was just one of the competitive languages ... really a microcosm of the adult world. 😋
Omg Loehmann’s!!!! 😭😭 Imagine if it were still around today?... I loved this piece so much thank you sharing ❤️
Thank you for reading, Veronica 💕 Shopping there before it closed was definitely a baby New Yorker rite of passage for me and my friends!
That is just the most beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing so much of your story here.
Thank you for reading, Danielle 💜
It made my heart smile to see you still had the dress. Millennial here too and I remember the white girl high school outfits.
Longest running piece in my wardrobe is a Polo Ralph Lauren denim jacket, still in excellent condition. That I've had since middle school so over 20 years.
Lol there was definitely a popular kids *uniform* at my middle and high school. Teenage tribal fashion codes!
I have a very small 'archive' section in my closet and my prom dress is one of the few pieces that made the cut! Amazing that you have your RL jacket from middle school. 💕 Do you still wear it?
Yes.
I loved this post. You write beautifully about your childhood, I felt transported there. Your mom has great taste, your prom dress is totally classy and would still look great today! It was lovely to learn about how these experiences shaped your fashion world view.
Thank you so much for reading, Joyce. It means the world to me that something in this piece resonated with you.
I was pleasantly bemused that my old prom dress is somehow trend and runway adjacent, given all the statement red gowns on the runways the last few seasons! My mom picked out this dress without me, and she not only got the style just right, but the fit as well 👌🏻
Aha! I shop exactly as you describe, because I grew up in an isolated area with few shopping options (pre-internet), and I had to lead with a vision of a silhouette to approximate, instead of a list of brands. It helped me understand exactly what I liked and why. Taste develops best under pressure, I think. Thanks for sharing your story!
Also Boston has the BEST discount stores, if I’m reading what you wrote correctly 🙂
I didn't grow up in Boston, but the one saving grace of American suburbia is that there are many, many excellent retail outlets to cut one's fashion teeth on. Which ones do you recommend? I'll definitely have to check them out next time I'm in town!
Castanet is my favorite consignment shop! Covet is also good. The Garment District is classic low-cost not-quite-thrift (they used to/may still do dollar-a-pound).
"Taste develops best under pressure" - Yes! It's always more interesting to work under some kind of constraints. The source of much creativity! And shopping and envisioning fashion needs and wants pre-internet is the OG skill, IMO!